Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’.
How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
(Courtesy of ielts-exam.net)
The number of cars is rising more and more lately1 causing giant traffic jams and making our cities louder and busier. I think this statement is true but not about all cities. Small towns like my native town in the central part of Russia are still quite free and quiet. In this essay I am going to talk about different measures which can be taken by governments to reduce car ownership.
First of all, there should be some alternative to the use of2 cars. People will not stop buying cars if it is the only way to make a comfortable trip. Governments have to develop a modern system of public transport which will3 successfully replace private vehicles. For example, if there will4 be new convenient quiet and quick working structure of tram, bus and metro routes which covers the whole city the need for cars will decrease.
Secondly, people should be taught about the damage to the ecology which private cars do. Governments have to film a documentary, create an advertising campaign on the Internet and on banners on the streets that will talk about the harm of cars for the environment. Tax duties on the purchase of a car may5 be increased. For instance, it is also possible to introduce paid parking in the centre of cities, as was6 done in Moscow to relieve the central streets.
In conclusion, I think that car ownership varies in dependence of the city size and taken restrictions or renovations have to be helpful for the replacement of private vehicles. (257 words)
Нумерация ошибок соответствует маркировке в тексте. Рекомендуемые исправления и изменения в тексте подчёркнуты.
- Наречие lately чаще используется с перфектными временами: «The number of cars has been rising more and more lately»… Ещё мы можем заменить lately на nowadays, оставив всё остальное без изменений
- Я бы опустил этот фрагмент, оставив более емкое ‘alternative to cars’. Очевидно, что под машинами мы подразумеваем их использование.
- Предлагаю использовать менее категоричный модальный глагол, например could.
- Не используйте if и will в одной части предложения (т.н. clause): If there are new convenient …, the need for cars will decrease. Посмотрите тему про условные предложения (conditional sentences). Желательное знать 0,1,2,3 типы. Смешанные условные предложения можно не брать.
- Этот модальный глагол говорит о вероятности какого-то события. Для каких-то предложений лучше подойдёт could.
- Пропало подлежащее: «… as it was done in Moscow…»
| Аспект | Оценка |
| TA | 7.5 |
| C&C | 7.5 |
| Grammar | 6.5 |
| Vocabulary | 7.5 |
| Общая оценка: 7.0 Критерии оценки |
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