Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’.
How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
(Courtesy of ielts-exam.net)
If we turn to statistical analysis, we will not be able to argue with the statement about the increasing number of car owners. And1 together with the migration of the population to large cities, this leads to a large concentration of cars and, as a result, traffic jams. Despite Marx’s predictions, the poor are getting richer and the car from a splendor item has long become a habitual thing in everyday life,2 that almost everyone can afford. And when there are too many cars, comfortable and fast driving becomes an unaffordable luxury.
Moving on to possible methods of solving this problem, we can recall the modern Christian thinker German Sterligov. His concept of neoludism involves a forced transition from iron horses to ordinary3 horses to revive the usual measured pace of life. Such tough measures will not only improve the ecological situation, but will also help to strengthen conservative values. In addition, the state can provide a competent public transport infrastructure, depriving citizens of the need to acquire a car. The most important thing of such methods4 is to increase the number of bike paths, which not only improve the urban landscape, but also save megapolises from eternal5 traffic jams.
In my opinion, the problem we are discussing is fiction6. No country consists exclusively of big cities and no one forces you to live in megalopolises. The increase in the number of cars and all the consequences of this are just a drop in the sea of urban problems. Large cities enslave the soul and have an unhealthy pace of life. No measures can dramatically change the urban landscape, except for complete de-urbanization. But a person always has a choice to settle in a small city devoid of all these problems and at the same time have access to the information space and to all amenities, if we are talking about the countries of the golden billion. (317 words)
Нумерация ошибок соответствует маркировке в тексте. Рекомендуемые исправления и изменения в тексте подчёркнуты.
- Не стоит начинать предложение с союзов. Предлагаю использовать конструкцию типа «Exacerbated/compounded by the migration of population to…».
- Придаточные предложения в английском не нужно отделять запятой. Больше про это.
- literal/conventional/real/actual horses — ordinary horse скорее означает «обычная, ничем не примечательная лошадь».
- Метод (как и мера) здесь только один (пересадить людей с машин на коней).
- Я бы предложил использовать более устоявшийся термин «perpetual gridlock«.
- Тут более подошло бы прилагательное, например fictitious или даже non-existent.
| Аспект | Оценка |
| TA | 8.5 |
| C&C | 8.5 |
| Grammar | 8.5 |
| Vocabulary | 7.5 |
| Общая оценка: 8.0 Критерии оценки |
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Великолепный словарный запас, связность и аргументация тоже на уровне. Несмотря на нетрадиционную для формата IELTS структуру (один body-параграф) текст хорошо читается, а идея — прослеживается. Хотелось бы увидеть больше предложений в страдательном залоге (хотя бы ещё одно-два) — они являются частью формального стиля, хотя и не добавляют читаемости тексту.