IELTS Writing Task 2 — Cost of Healthcare #4

Nowadays the number of people who suffer from diseases caused by bad habits is steadily growing so the question of payment of₁ their care is highly debated. In my view if somebody has an unhealthy lifestyle and they choose to live that way although there are all conditions to live a life of better quality I think₂ they should pay more for their health treatment than other people.

To start with, I would like to outline that if somebody consciously ignores clear facts about harmful lifestyle it can not be an apology₃ for them. In this day and age there is plenty of information about healthy diet and physical activity which are necessary to have no diseases. Everyone no matter how much money they have and where they live can find all required information on the Internet. So a person who, for example, smokes or drinks alcohol can not be justified₄ because with a huge probability they know about bad effects of their habits. That is why they are completely responsible for their health by themselves₅. 

Moreover, there are some illnesses which are caused by specifically the lack of care and require more money to get rid of. It is not fair that people who caused their diseases themselves and those who have, for instance, a congenital abnormality pay equally for treatment₆. In the first case one is responsible for their state while in the second case one has nothing to do with it. For example, a person who got obesity by eating junk food and because of it now needs a heart operation can take away budget financing money from a child who was born with the same disorder which is not ethically right.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that people who choose an unhealthy diet and lifestyle should be responsible for it and pay more for medicine than other people.

1. Payment for something.
2. Более приемлемым в обеих частях IELTS Writing считается конструкция «I believe», «I hold it that».
3. Тут скорее подходит слово «excuse», в смысле «оправдание».
4. Justified подходит скорее не к человеку, а к его поступкам. Тут можно поменять на «A person’s smoking or drinking cannot be justified». И да, cannot пишется в одно слово!
5. «By themselves» означает «сами по себе». Предлог «by» можно и нужно опустить.
6. «Equally» здесь стоит перенести в самый конец предложения.