IELTS Writing Task 2 — Cars #2

The importance of cars as a vehicles₁ rises inevitably. However₂, this trend brings us some problems that should be combated.

In the last 100 years a₃ car industry has made a big step forward and this means of transport is not a luxury anymore. A lot of people have cars nowadays. As cars are getting cheaper and more comfortable, almost everyone wants to buy at least one. Moreover, it can save a lot of time for them. Despite all the advantages, automobiles are the reason of many probems.

To begin with, one of the biggest effects of increasing of the amount of₄ cars is ecological degradation. It happens because they are responsible for air pollution. Firstly, carbon dioxide produced by cars in a big amount causes the greenhouse effect and, as a result, the global warming. Automobile industry has became₅ extremely big so people need to produce large amount of fuel and gas for it which is obviously harms our planet₆. The best solution for this problem is the use of electric cars. They are much more eco-friendly because they use electricity instead of fuel.

To continue with₇, we can prove that cars have become a real threat to our society if we look at the number of fatal road accidents. According to statistics, cars are one of the most common causes of death of people all over the world. Road accidents can happen for various reasons. For example, a driver’s fault or a technical problem.₈ Unfortunately, we can not completely solve the problem but we can try to to make₉ traffic rules stricter, as well as penalties for their violation.

In conclusion, I would like to say that a car is a great means of transport with many benefits but it cause various problems people need to solve.

279 words

1. As a vehicle — мы говорим о машинах как о классе средств передвижения — в единственном числе.
2. With the rise in number of vehicle come some problems … — использование however здесь для противопоставления не совсем уместно. Я бы рекомендовал использовать конструкцию которая больше раскрывает последствия подобного тренда.
3. Нет необходимости использовать какой-либо артикль — мы говорим об индустрии вцелом.
4. … of the increasing car numbers is ecological degradation — желательно избегать повторения конструкции of в одной фразе — это делает фразу более читабельной.
5. … has become
6. … , which obviously harms our planet — обращаем внимание на запятую перед which (следующий смысловой центр, т.н. clause — подлежащее + сказуемое) а также избавляемся от is, который тут не нужен — у нас Present Simple, а не Continuous.
7. To begin with,/Moreover,/On top of that, — мне не встречалось вводной конструкции ‘to continue with’, поисковик не дал никаких вариантов. Могу ошибаться!
8. Я бы предложил объединить два эти предложения через тире. Вообще на протяжении всего текста встречаются довольно сжатые предложения — хотелось бы видеть более развернутые, многосоставные. Главное не переборщить с этим.
9. Try making/to make — и то и другое будет здесь работать, с небольшим изменением смысла. Здесь есть неплохое объяснение.