The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words
| Company | Market share in 2006, % | Market share in 2007, % |
| HP | 31.4 | 34 |
| Dell | 16.6 | 20.2 |
| Acer | 11.6 | 10.7 |
| Toshiba | 6.2 | 7.3 |
| Lenovo | 6.6 | 6.2 |
| Fujitsu-Siemens | 4.8 | 2.3 |
| Others | 22.8 | 19.3 |
Группировку данных было решено делать по изменению за данный период. Первый параграф для компаний, показавших рост, второй — для снизивших свою долю рынка.
The following table presents data on the world’s laptop producers and their presence on the market.The presented information shows the situation in 2006 and 2007.
There were 3 companies which succeeded in increasing their percentage on the market, namely HP, Dell and Toshiba. HP was the uncontested leader of the market in 2006 at 31.4% and it remained at the top next year with 34%. Dell and Toshiba were the other two companies which managed to grow from 16.6% to 20.2% and 6.2% to 7.3% respectively.
The opposite picture could be seen in other companies’ trends, such as Acer, Lenovo, Fujitsu-Siemens and a group of minor companies labeled “others”. Acer had the highest figure in this category at 11.6 in 2006 which went down to 10.7 in 2007. Lenovo and Fujitsu-Siemens too experienced downward movement in their market share levels — from 6.6% to 6.2% for the former and a very noticeable drop from 4.8% to 2.3% for the latter. The decreased market presence for the “others” group was less noticeable with numbers going down from 22.8% in 2006 to 19.3% in 2007.
To sum up, despite the changes in market share every company had experienced it didn’t change the overall picture much, with the top two companies strengthening their respective positions. The only noticeable change in ranking was between Toshiba and Lenovo, as the companies swapped their positions in the table in 2007.
235 words
Описание этой таблицы мы делали вместе со студентом. Главный и пожалуй единственный недостаток этой работ — её большой размер. Как мы помним, в первой части IELTS Writing от нас ждут работу объёмом 150 слов. Хотя излишний объем и не ведёт к снижению оценки напрямую, но больше текста — больше возможных ошибок в лексике или грамматике.
Сократим текст до требуемых 150-170 слов:
The following table presents data on the world’s laptop producers and their presence on the market.The presented information shows the situation in 2006 and 2007.
There were 3 companies which succeeded in increasing their percentage on the market, namely HP, Dell and Toshiba. HP was the uncontested leader of the market in 2006 at 31.4% and it remained at the top next year with 34%. Dell and Toshiba were the other two companies which managed to grow from 16.6% to 20.2% and 6.2% to 7.3% respectively.
The downward trend was experienced by companies such as Acer, Lenovo, Fujitsu-Siemens and a group of minor companies labeled “others”. Acer had the highest figure in this category at 11.6 in 2006 which went down to 10.7 in 2007. Fujitsu-Siemens had the most dramatic decrease in market share levels — down to 2.3% from 4.8%.
To sum up, despite the changes the overall picture didn’t change much, with the top two companies strengthening their respective positions. The only noticeable change in ranking was between Toshiba and Lenovo, as the companies swapped their positions in the table in 2007.
184 words
Изменения в тексте отмечены цветом. Я не стал трогать первые два параграфа, так как они и без того были достаточно ёмкими. В третьем параграфе я выпустил данные по так называемым «средним величинам» — данным, которые не являются самыми высокими или низкими. Помните, что в IELTS Writing Task 1 Academic необходимо прежде всего рассказывать про самые выдающиеся цифры — высокие, низкие, значительные изменения.
Несмотря на мои старания по сокращению, текст всё же остаётся довольно большим (184 слова) — тут дело в большом количестве цифр, которые расцениваются как слова. Визуально данная работа не выглядит значительно больше требуемого.