IELTS Writing Part 1 — Urban Migration #3

The above graph demonstrates us the urbanization performance₁ in three unlikely countries in a period from 2000 to 2025, including projections for the future. We can see with the naked eye that the number of people who are moving to large cities is increasing rapidly. (And anarcho-primitivism is not in demand.)

First of all, we can notice that urbanization in Indonesia is far from being as impetuous as in Russia and Iraq. In twenty years from 2000 to 2020, the number of people moving to cities has doubled from 10 to 20 millions. While in Russia and Iraq this figure has increased 8 times over the same period. Also, we can see that according to preliminary forecasts, the next 5 years Indonesia will face the stagnation of the urbanization process. In addition, we can say that the most productive decade for all countries was the era of the «tenth» years₂. For example, in Russia the urban population increased from 40 to 80 millions, in Iraq from about 37 to 80, and for Indonesia this was the last period of urban population growth.

Summing up, we₃ can mention that in the foreseeable future, among these countries, large cities will be replenished with visitors only in Iraq and Russia. (Thanks to our Great President and National Leader)

1. Слово performance как правило используется с чем-то положительным, как и слово «производительность» в русском. Я бы предложил заменить на такие варианты, как pace, rate ну или попросту speed.
2. Посыл данной фразы понятен и заключение слова в кавычки полностью оправдано. И хоть для девяностых и нулевых есть привычные nineties и noughties, для следующего периода термина почему-то не придумали. Не уверен, что подобный лексический авантюризм будет оценен проверяющим. Возможна замена на простым описательным методом с датами.
3. Формулирвка ‘we’ в английских работах чаще встречается именно в случаях коллективно написанной бумаги. Могу предложить здесь использование безличной конструкции ‘it can be’.