IELTS Writing Task 2 — Urban problems

Nowadays the absolute majority of people prefer living in megalopolises to rural areas because cities offer more opportunities to build a career or become successful. Despite the fact urban life has various advantages, people do not consider₁ it has serious drawbacks.

To begin with, urbanites usually feel stressed due to lack of time. They always need to be in a hurry to complete all the tasks they planned₂. The first reason of this is the time they waste on their journeys during the working days. The enormous car amount in cities have₃ already resulted in traffic congestion. As a result, citizens may spend more than three hours on their way to work or home. The other reason is a high competition modern people have so it is essential for them to work more than their opponents and be able to do several tasks in one time. That is why people have to work the whole day and have no time to relax.

The another₄ problem in big cities is their ecological situation. There are too many factories and cars in urban areas that have a significant negative impact on the environment. They produce a great amount of carbon dioxide which causes the Global Warming₅ and air pollution so citizens’ health is under threat.

These problems have to be solved in the foreseeing₆ future. People should reduce the amount of car in use by implementing new restricting laws and improving the public transport system. The another₄ advice is to get put in nature₇ more often. This is a great way to relax and restore mental or physical health.

In conclusion, it is important to consider these disadvantages when moving to large cities.

281 words

1. … people do not take into account/tend to forget that it also has serious advantages — построив фразу вот так, мы яснее покажем контраст между двумя частями (знают о достоинствах, но не знают о недостатках)
2. … to complete/finish all the tasks they have planned — Present Perfect здесь яснее выразит идею запланированных дел.
3. The enormous car amount in cities has already …- у нас идёт согласование сказуемого со словом amount, которое в единственном числе.
4. The other/another — никогда не используем сочетание the another т.к. это является комбинацией определённого и неопределённого артиклей. (An+other = another)
5. Нет необходимости использовать заглавные буквы. Это не является каким-то определённым историческим периодом как например the Great Depression.
6. Foreseeable — поаккуратнее с такими словами — в них очень легко допустить ошибку.
7. Another advice is to spend more time outside./expose yourself to nature more. — смысл изначальной фразы мне стал понятен только благодаря следующему предложению. Обращаю внимание, что обе предложенных альтернативы являются законченным предложением.

Хорошее эссе с немного невыразительным заключительным параграфом, который недостаточно четко подытоживает идею — всё же фокус темы о проблемах городов, а не о проблеме переезда в город или массового оттока сельских жителей в городскую среду.