IELTS Writing Task 2 — Traffic Congestion

The modern world is developing at a high rate of speed, and one example of this progress is the increase in the number of people who have their own car, perhaps even more than one. Thus, in a wide variety₁ of cities around the world there is a grave problem of traffic congestion, as a result of which₂ they slowly but surely turn into one big traffic jam. I agree with this point of view, since I can observe this situation in my own town, as well as see the same in news and posts about other cities.

Since the number of cars on the roads has become an acute problem for modern society the authorities have to find a solution because in addition to traffic jams the widening car ownership also adversely affects nature. For example, in Russia, it was proposed to significantly increase the tax on personal transport, as well as prices of cars so to have₃ a car would become available to fewer people. However, this option cannot be called fair and humane.

Improving public transport seems a better solution for the authorities. By investing money and making the metro, buses and trains more comfortable, the number₄ of car ownership can be reduced. For example, some cities now have a dedicated bus lane that allows people to get to their destination faster than driving their own car, and due to this people consciously began to choose the public service vehicles.

There are also more rigorous methods to reduce the number of cars on the roads that are used by countries with large populations, such as banning entry into the city center alone, or even destroying roads to create additional difficulties for car owners. However, in my opinion, these methods are unnecessarily radical.   (295 words)

1. Variety подразумевает разнообразие, нежели количество. ‘Great number’ здесь лучше бы передало большое число городов с этом проблемой.
2. ‘… there is a grave problem of traffic congestion, which slowly but surely turns them into …» — стилистическая рекомендация, чтобы сократить объем предложения и сделать его легче для восприятия. Не является ошибкой.
3. ‘… so as to make owning a car available to fewer people’ — подобная конструкция лучше отражает цель действия, например: «I woke up earlier today so as to watch my favourite TV show». По существу это является более нарядным аналогом ‘to’
4. ‘Numbers’ здесь будет более уместным — «цифры/показатели владения транспортом».

Работа без каких-либо серьёзных замечаний, с небольшими стилистическими рекомендациями. Хотелось бы увидеть больше предложений в страдательном залоге, как этого требует официально-деловой стиль. В данном тексте есть лишь одно предложение в passive voice: «For example, in Russia, it was proposed to significantly increase the tax on personal transport…»